


Through the storm, through the night

by sweetlittlebutterfly



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29071785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetlittlebutterfly/pseuds/sweetlittlebutterfly
Summary: Olivia’s not surprised to find Alex looking at her with those big blue eyes when she opens the door. She’d been expecting her, ever since their confrontation at the courthouse, things had been left unfinished, conversations that they couldn’t have in front of others.Continuation of s03e18 "Guilt"
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	Through the storm, through the night

**Author's Note:**

> I've been rewatching SVU (again) and recently watched s03e18 and spent the entire time shouting that someone needs to give Alex a hug, so I made Olivia do it.
> 
> The title, and my general mood while writing, is from Falling Apart by Michael Schulte.

Olivia’s not surprised to find Alex looking at her with those big blue eyes when she opens the door. She’d been expecting her, ever since their confrontation at the courthouse, things had been left unfinished, conversations that they couldn’t have in front of others. Olivia steps aside to let her into the apartment. She looks sheepish, so unlike herself, her usual confidence all but gone.

“What did you get?”

“One month suspension without pay.”

Olivia nods. She moves into the kitchen area of her apartment, pulling out two glasses and a bottle of red. “Could have been worse.”

“It should have been worse,” Alex mutters, and Olivia isn’t sure whether she was actually supposed to hear it.

She slides one of the now full glasses across the counter towards her, but Alex doesn’t touch it. Olivia takes a big gulp of her own, before looking at Alex, really looking at her. There are dark circles under her eyes, darker than she’s ever seen them. Her pale skin, which is usually illuminating, looks grey and dull, like all the sparkle that makes her Alex is gone. It breaks Olivia’s heart to see her this way.

“Liv, I really am sorry that you were caught in the middle of all of this.”

“I know you are.” Her tone is harsher than she intends it to be and she sees Alex flinch.

“I can go, if you want me to. I just need to know that you don’t-” she pauses, biting her bottom lip. “Liv, I can’t stand the idea of you hating me.”

Olivia’s eyes snap up. “Oh, Al.” She abandons her glass, walking around the counter quickly to stand in front of Alex. Her hand comes up to touch the other woman’s cheek, gently dragging her thumb across it to wipe away a stray tear. “I’m angry about what you did. Not just because of me and Elliot, but because of you. You could have thrown away your whole career. But Alex, I could never, _ever_ hate you.”

She holds eye contact to make her point, hoping that Alex will be able to get the full meaning behind her words through it. She’ll get over what’s happened, but she wouldn’t get over losing Alex.

A sob escapes Alex and all at once Olivia is pulling her in, wrapping her arms around her to hold her as she cries. Being the taller of the two, Alex bends slightly in order to bury her face into Olivia’s neck. Words of comfort are whispered, one hand runs through blonde hair, while the other strokes down her back.

She’s not sure how long they stand there, but eventually, when Alex’s cries have turned into nothing but muffled sniffles, Olivia guides them over to the couch. With the contact between them broken, Alex seems to curl in on herself again, her feet slipping out of the heels she’d been wearing for work so that they can come up onto the couch underneath her. She fiddles with her skirt, pulling at a loose thread to give her hands something to do.

“Al, you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

“I haven’t,” she admits. “Every time I close my eyes I see his face.”

“What happened to Sam Cavanaugh was not your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” Alex snaps. There’s fire behind her eyes, she’s clearly looking for a fight. “I pushed him too hard.”

“You did your job. You were trying your hardest to make sure Barnett couldn’t hurt anybody else. No one is to blame for this but him.”

She keeps her tone calm but firm, leaving Alex no room to argue. She watches her deflate, all the fight leaving her so she just looks tired again.

“What would you say if it was me?” Olivia asks. “If I’d been the one working with Sam when this happened, would you tell me that it was my fault?”

“Of course not.” Alex whispers.

Olivia puts her hand under Alex’s chin to tip her head back up to look at her. “Then it isn’t your fault either.”

She can tell Alex doesn’t believe her, but she doesn’t protest either so it’s a start. Olivia knows first hand how hard it can be to let these things go, to accept that sometimes cases go tragically wrong and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

“Can I stay here tonight?” The question is tentative, like she’s afraid Olivia’s going to change her mind any minute and throw her out of the apartment.

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to ask.”

“If I don’t, I’d never leave.” There’s a small smile on her face and it’s the first time she’s seen a flash of the Alex she knows since she walked in.

“Then don’t.” They both know it’s not a serious offer, they’re not there yet. But it’s a promise of someday.

Olivia stands, taking Alex’s hand and leading her into the bedroom. It’s something she’s done a million times, but the situation is so different. She goes over to the dresser, holding out some of her clothes for Alex to wear. When she makes no move to take them, Olivia walks back towards her.

She pushes Alex’s jacket off her shoulders, moving to the buttons on her shirt. Slowly and gently, she undresses her, then pulls the t-shirt over her head. It’s far too big for her, falling to the top of her thigh. She offers her the sweatpants, but Alex shakes her head, making her way over to the bed and slipping in under the covers. Olivia changes her own clothes quickly and joins her.

“Promise you’ll wake me if you can’t sleep?”

“Liv, I can’t do-”

“Promise me,” she repeats and it becomes clear that she’s not going to take no for an answer.

“I promise.”

Once she’s satisfied, Olivia pulls the covers up so they can bury themselves underneath. Alex shifts closer, laying her head on Olivia’s chest. She’d told her once that she likes to listen to Olivia’s heartbeat, that it helps her fall asleep.

Maybe it’s a combination of that and the exhaustion, but Alex is out in less than five minutes. Olivia waits, making sure she’s really asleep before finally letting herself close her own eyes.

There are still discussions to be had, feelings to air out. Olivia’s anger, Alex’s guilt, they’ll still be there in the morning. But she knows now, in a way that she hadn’t been sure of before Alex had shown up at her door, that this won’t break them.


End file.
